


Like The Wings Of Butterflies

by sweetly_disposed



Series: Madame Viola's Circus [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Smut, TrapezeArtist!Harry, circus AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-03
Updated: 2013-08-03
Packaged: 2017-12-22 08:08:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/910889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetly_disposed/pseuds/sweetly_disposed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Tell you what, why don't you come by sometime, when there's no practise on? I'll teach you how to fly."</p><p>Or, Harry, Zayn, Liam and Niall are trapeze artists, and Louis has a love for the circus.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This came from the pics of Harry on the trapeze at Cirque du Soleil. I couldn't resist.
> 
> Disclaimer: This is my own original work, please do not post it anywhere else on the internet without my express permission.
> 
> Now translated into Polish by the wonderful [May](http://ops-and-hi.tumblr.com/post/81682966254/like-the-wings-of-butterflies-larry-stylinson-ff)

 

 

 

The circus was in town.

Every summer for as long as Louis could remember, Madame Viola's circus had pitched up in the field behind his house and stayed there for two weeks. Under the giant red and white striped Big Top tent there were would be jugglers, acrobats, contortionists, clowns, fire eaters, and the ringmaster, all dressed in the most elaborate costumes, ready to impress the city with their talents. People flocked from all over the city and from neighbouring towns, queuing for hours just to get a glimpse of the artists.

Louis loved the circus. When it was in town it was tradition that he went with his family, sitting for hours inside the tent just watching the performers work, bending themselves into ridiculous positions or swallowing fire. His family didn't really understand his obsession with the circus, they probably never would, but for two weeks they indulged him, allowing him to jump over the fence at the bottom of their garden and go off by himself each night of the two weeks it was in town.

His favourite by act far was the trapeze. He tried to go to every show they did over the fortnight even though they performed the same routine every night. That never mattered to Louis. Every time he saw them perform he was in awe of them. The sheer amount of skill the artists had, and the trust they had in each other to be able fling themselves from one rope to another and just know their partner would catch them continually amazed him. Louis thought it was like ballet in the air; they moved with perfect ease, straight legs and pointed toes, all perfectly timed. It was enough to give him goosebumps.

Posters advertising the circus had been stuck all over the city for months, fixed to lampposts and tacked up in shop windows, a burst of clashing colours and bold titles enticing people in. This year, the posters had said, there was a new trapeze troupe travelling with the circus, and they were going to open the show. Naturally, Louis was buzzing to see them, so on opening night there he was, one of the first in line at the entrance to the Big Top. His family let him choose their seats, and he picked his way carefully through the stands until they were right in the middle, around halfway up. He eyeballed anyone tall who came close to sitting in front of him until they scurried away, watching him warily over their shoulders. His evil eye kept most people at bay, and when the lights went down and the music started, Louis had a clear, unobstructed view of the performance. He settled back in his seat, satisfied.

A spotlight shone down onto the middle of the floor. The audience fell silent. A man in vivid blue coat tails and a top hat strutted into the light, holding his arms out wide.

"Ladies, Gentlemen and children!" he boomed. "Welcome to Madame Viola's Circus Show, the greatest show on earth! Sit back, open your eyes, your ears and your minds, and prepare to be amazed!" He bowed low and slunk away out of the light. The crowd applauded. Everyone sat up straighter, peering at the floor. Louis was on the edge of his seat, one knee jiggling up and down in anticipation.

The ringmasters' spotlight faded. Then, out of the darkness, a single light appeared at the top left hand corner of the tent. Louis strained his eyes, trying to make out the performer. It was a man, dressed in sparkling white Lycra, one arm raised proudly in the air. Louis' stomach clenched. A second light shone on the right side, revealing a woman, dressed the same way. Turning his attention quickly back to the man, Louis watched as he gripped the bar of his swing, and flung himself from the platform. Back and forth he swung, using powerful legs to get a higher swing, his biceps bulging out with the strain of holding all his body weight by one thin bar. Then he flipped upside down, hooking his knees over the bar and holding his arms out straight. On his back swing, the woman took off, letting go of her bar when she reached the middle of the tent. Louis held his breath. The woman let go, somersaulted once, and fell perfectly in time with the man, catching onto his arms and letting him swing her back to his platform. Louis let his breath out noisily and applauded along with everybody else, eyes wide.

Louis watched the trapeze artists closely, noting that there seemed to be four men and two women in the group. The man who was catching his teammates never missed a beat, catching everyone who flew towards him. Louis watched in fascination as they somersaulted and caught each other, mouth popping open as the catcher caught both of the women, holding one on each arm, then launched them both off as the other men swung more bars towards them, timed to perfection.

Louis applauded harder and louder than anyone else in the crowd when all six of the artists dropped to the large net beneath them and bounced off one by one to take a bow. Now they were down on his level he could see them clearly. He was surprised that they were all so young. They had to be around the same age as him, maybe a couple of years older. The two women were blonde, but the men all looked different. Before Louis could get a good look they were running out of the tent in single file, and he watched them go disappointedly.

The rest of the show flew by. Each act got more and more impressive, and even more dangerous, and Louis hated to admit it but he had watched through his fingers when one of the performers had swallowed a sword, blade first, down his throat. Louis was just waiting for the blood, but none ever came. The performer simply bowed low and ran off, seemingly unharmed. The contortionists twisted themselves into such intricate knots Louis wasn't even sure how they could walk in a straight line, not when their entire bodies could be bent beneath them like that.

When the show was over, Louis was one of the last to leave. He hung back, letting his family go and find some food from one of the stands outside the tent. He was reluctant to go home and lose the excitement of it all, even though it was almost certain that he would be back tomorrow to watch it all again. When he was the only one left in the tent he slipped out of his seat and hopped over the barrier onto the big tent floor. It was sandy, gritty underneath his shoes as he made his way to the trapeze bars. Standing at the bottom of the ladder and looking up, his vision blurred and he swayed slightly. That was high. It made him dizzy just looking up at it. As much as he wanted to know what it felt like to fly through the air and be caught by someone, he wasn't so desperate for it that he'd be able to climb up there.

Voices to his left had him shrinking back behind one of the structures. He peered out from the darkness to see one of the blonde trapeze artists flouncing through the performers entrance to the tent.

"For Christ's sake, Harry," she was saying in an exasperated tone. "Stop being such a drama queen."

"Are you not listening to me?" A deeper, decidedly angry male voice followed. "You cannot just launch any time you want! I wasn't ready! I nearly dropped you!"

"Yes, well, you didn't, did you?"

"Are you trying to get me fired? Fucks sake, Sarah, it was the first night! I can't go dropping people on the first night!"

There was a heavy sigh. "Fine, whatever, I promise I'll wait for your signal next time- hey!"

Louis cursed. A tall figure loomed at him in the dark, then a large hand grabbed his bicep and he was being yanked into the light. Louis looked up at the guy sheepishly. It was the same man that had opened the show, and the one that had been swinging upside down catching his teammates. He was taller than Louis by a few inches, and his brown, slightly curly hair added another inch at least to him. He had changed out of his white outfit into a tank top and tight fitting leggings that left absolutely nothing to the imagination. Louis snapped his eyes away from that area before he could be caught staring. The biceps Louis had admired earlier were even more impressive close up, clearly defined even though the muscles weren't tense at all. He gulped, and then looked up, meeting the man's eyes.

"What are you doing in here?" he, Harry, demanded.

"I. I was just looking, sorry, I-" Louis stuttered, heat rushing to his cheeks.

"You're not supposed to be in here after the show, its the performers practise time."

"Right! Yes, of course, sorry. I'll just go, then." Louis made to move away, but the hand on his bicep tightened. Harry looked at him for a moment, eyes quickly sweeping over him, making Louis shift uncomfortably under his gaze. Then he was letting go, pushing him back slightly. Louis stumbled for the exit, embarrassed, and highly aware of both the performers gazes on his back.

Outside the tent it was fully dark, and the circus field was virtually empty. Louis stuck to the shadows so as not to be caught by anyone else, and headed for home.

 

********

 

The next night he was back, in the same seat as the night before. It was the same show, with the same introduction from the ringmaster and the same performers. Louis could clearly recognise Harry with his dark hair as he started the show, hanging upside down as he swung back and forth. Watching carefully, Louis saw Harry gesture to the blonde woman, Sarah, that he was ready, and she swung down to meet him. When the artists had bounced off the net and were taking a bow again, Louis could have sworn Harry's eyes sought his in the crowd as he applauded.

Louis deliberately hung back this time, wondering if he could get a glimpse of the other four of the trapeze group when they came through for practise. The tent slowly cleared, and Louis snuck out with the last few people. Instead of turning left out of the tent to go home, he turned right, towards the artists' camp. He crept in and out of tents and caravans, round the back of the Big Top. There was laughter and shouting coming from the few of the tents, the sound of bottles clinking together. No sign of the trapeze group though. Perhaps they had gone off site, or were practising somewhere else.

"Back again, I see," a voice said behind him. Louis jumped and turned sharply on his heel to find Harry there, dressed in loose fitting sweats and a tee. "Thought I saw you in the crowd."

"Yeah," Louis tried to say casually. "Thought I'd have a look around."

Harry arched an eyebrow. "You know you're not supposed to be back here,right?"

"I know. You gonna rat me out?" Louis challenged, raising his own eyebrow.

Harry only smirked a little, the corner of his mouth tugging up. He shook his head slowly. "Nope. Don't think so. What's your name?"

"Louis," Louis told him. He tried to look over Harry's shoulder. "Where's the rest of your group, then?"

"They went off to find a pub somewhere in the city, I don't know. Why? Do you want autographs or something?" A slight frown creased Harry's forehead.

"No!" Louis spluttered indignantly, even though a tiny part of his brain said 'yes'. "I just wanted to look."

Harry nodded. The corner of his mouth turned up again. "Course you did. So, why were you here yesterday and today?" He began walking away, turning to beckon Louis to walk with him. Louis hurried forward to catch up and they fell into step beside each other.

"I just like the circus," Louis shrugged. "Always have. It comes here every year and I always try and go every night. I don't know, there's just something about it," he finished awkwardly, glancing at Harry out of the corner of his eye to check the other boy wasn't laughing at him.

Thankfully he wasn't. "I know what you mean," he said, nodding seriously.

"I haven't seen you, or your group, here before though...?" Louis asked.

"Yeah. This is the first travelling circus we've joined. Apparently the other group were making too many mistakes, dropping people too many times, so they got kicked out. We auditioned and got asked in."

"Oh. That simple, huh?"

"Yup." They reached the perimeter of the field, away from the hustle of the performers' camp.

"So, uh. Do you like all the travelling?" Louis questioned, glancing around at all the tents.

"Yeah, course. We go so many different places, and perform to so many people. It's great. The circus is like one big family, so you never get lonely. There's always someone to talk to, you know? Plus, trapeze is all I've even wanted to do, and doing it with this lot is great."

"The trapeze is my favourite bit of the entire thing."

Harry turned to look at him. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," Louis nodded emphatically. "I've always loved it."

Harry grinned and looked him up and down. "How old are you, by the way?"

"Nineteen."

"Huh, same as me. And you're not too tall...probably quite light," he seemed to be muttering to himself.

"What are you talking about?" Louis frowned, not particularly liking the way Harry was scrutinising him.

"Just checking out your shape," Harry said innocently, though there was a glint in his eyes that told Louis he was planning something. "Tell you what, why don't you come by sometime, when there's no practise on? I'll teach you how to fly."

 

********

 

"Okay, the most important thing you have to do," Harry said seriously, "Is trust me."

Two nights after they had gone walking Harry had bounded up to him after the show and tugged him into the middle of the tent with a grin. He'd had Louis stretching his muscles and climbing the ladder before he even knew what was happening, and now he was flattened against the back of the trapeze platform, trying his hardest not to look down.

"Louis?" Harry clicked his fingers in front of his face. "You listening?"

"Yeah, course," Louis replied in a voice pitched slightly higher than usual. "S'high, that's all."

"You're forty feet up."

"Jesus Christ."

Harry chuckled. "You get used to it. But hey, look." Louis cracked open one eye to see Harry holding up a few scraps of black material. "I'm going to hook you into a harness. You can't fall, I promise."

Harry reached for him, guiding Louis into the harness. Louis gripped Harry's shoulders as Harry strapped him in, tightening the belts around his waist and thighs. Louis wasn't sure what he made of Harry's fingers brushing against the insides of his thighs like that, so he closed his eyes and took a deep breath instead.

"Did you hear what I said before?" Harry said from his waist area.

"Hmm?"

"About trusting me?"

"Trust you. Got it."

He felt Harry straighten up, so he opened his eyes again. Harry was frowning slightly, looking far more serious than before. "I mean it," he was saying. "You have to trust my timing. If you don't, things go wrong."

"Right, things go wrong," Louis repeated numbly, trying to not to think about all the things that could possible turn out badly here. He envisaged broken limbs, a terrifying fall through thin air that ended with him in a crumpled heap-

"Ready?" Harry said, reaching up to hook him into the structure and tighten the screws. Bending down again, he picked up a small bowl and held it out. "Chalk up your hands and your forearms, or they'll burn like crazy."

Louis dusted his hands off dutifully, then shuffled towards the edge of the platform. Harry unhooked a bar from overhead and brought it down to their level, standing close behind Louis and holding him steady by a hand on his ribs.

"Grip here," he said, positioning Louis' hands on the thin bar, "and here. Now, when you swing, keep your arms straight and use your legs, like you would at a normal swing in a playground. That will give you the motion to keep it going, yeah?"

"Are you sure this thing can hold me?" Louis asked warily, peering up at the thin wires of the swing.

"It can hold three fully grown men easily. Calm down. Ready?"

"Er-"

"One, two, three- jump!"

Louis took a deep breath. And jumped.

The wind whistled in his ears as he flew through the air. He felt the harness take his weight above him, and Harry's voice shouting to swing his legs. He gripped the bar tight and exhaled in a sharp breath, grinning to himself as he cut through the air.

On his third swing back, Harry held onto the platform with one hand and caught the bar with the other, bringing him to a halt. Louis landed heavily with shaky legs, unbalanced. Harry wrapped one strong arm around his waist and took hold of the bar with the other.

"You okay?" Harry asked, ducking down to look at Louis' flushed face.

"Yeah," Louis breathed. "That was amazing. Can I go again?"

Harry barked a laugh. "You're getting the hang of it. Don't try and go too far too fast."

"Please?" Louis pushed. "No harm in trying, is there?"

Harry looked at him strangely. "No, no harm I guess." He shook his head suddenly, grinning. "Fine. Lets try your timing. I'm going over to the other platform. On my count, launch, and we'll see if we can meet in the middle."

"How do we meet if we're holding onto the bar?"

Harry looked at him as if the answer was obvious. "Let go. I'm meant to catch you, that's my job."

Suddenly Louis' confidence drained completely. He stared at Harry "...Let go of the bar?"

"Yeah. You have a harness, you can't fall. Just stretch out your arms when you let go so I can grab you. Like we do in the show." Louis swallowed and nodded.

Harry climbed down, ran over to the other ladder and scaled it two rungs at a time. Louis watched in anticipation as he chalked his own hands and untied another bar. Then he was flying gracefully, with complete precision and skill. He got up some momentum, and then turned himself upside down like Louis had seen him do before, hooking his knees over the bar.

"Ready?" he called.

"Yeah!"

"...Now!"

Louis launched and swung towards Harry. Bracing himself and focusing on Harry coming towards him, he let go of the bar, reached out...and missed Harry's hands by miles.

A terrified yell left his lips and he plummeted down at an alarming rate, but the harness pulled suddenly and jerked him to a halt and he was left dangling, face red with embarrassment. Harry only laughed at him as he pulled his harness back to the platform.

"Don't worry. You did great, I wasn't expecting you to get it first time. We'll carry on some other day."

"Oh," Louis heard the disappointment in his own voice as Harry started unbuckling the straps on his waist.

Harry cocked an eyebrow, looking up at him. "Fancy coming back tomorrow?"

Louis smiled.

 

********

 

"How long have you been doing this for?" Louis asked as they climbed down after their session the next night. Harry handed him a bottle of water and they sat together in the dim stands of the tent. Louis knew he was getting better at this; he could swing himself pretty well now without any help from Harry, and had got the hang of how to move his legs to get more momentum. He tired quickly; he wasn't nearly as fit as Harry and his arms protested more and more, but he pushed on, wanting to master it so he could fly properly with Harry.

It was becoming increasingly difficult to keep Harry and the circus from his mind during the day. He found himself counting the hours until he could go and see him perform again. What his family thought of him being out for hours each night, he didn't know, nor did he particularly care. The more time he spent with Harry, the more time he wanted to be with him. His eyes would fix on him and only him during the show, not wanting to blink in case he missed something. He would watch, in awe, each night as Harry performed, watching his strong yet graceful body twist and swing back and forth, working in perfect sync with his group.

"Can't remember when I started; lost track of the years," Harry answered, taking a long drink of water. "I always used to go to the circus as a kid, trapeze was my favourite thing, too. I started doing gym young, moved into acrobatics purely so I could get on the swings. I spent so long hanging upside down on bars when I was younger, getting used to the feeling so I could be the best catcher out there."

"It shows. You're really good."

Harry grinned at the compliment, nudging his shoulder into Louis'. "Aw, thanks."

"I mean it. I wish I could do it."

"Well, you're getting there."

"Really?"

"Hm," Harry nodded, taking another drink. "It takes people weeks to do what you've picked up in four days. I'll be catching you in no time," he winked.

"But...what about the rest of your group? Aren't you missing out on practise time teaching me?"

Harry gave a shrug. "Doesn't matter. They don't have to know. Besides, we usually practise in the afternoon before the show. They entertain themselves."

"If you're sure..."

"I'm sure. Actually, come on," he said suddenly, standing up and holding out a hand. "Let me show you around."

********

 

The artists' camp was bigger than Louis remembered it to be. It was a maze of smaller tents and caravans that buzzed with life. Harry kept hold of Louis hand as he pulled him in and out of the activity, tugging him deep into the camp.

"That there is Angelo's tent. The fire eater." Harry explained as he pointed to a one-man tent on the outskirts of the camp. "He keeps himself to himself. Misses home a lot, I think. His parents kicked him out when he was eighteen, and he's been with Viola ever since." They carried on, then paused at a large caravan. "The clowns are in there. They're the most depressed bunch ever, I swear. If you met them on the street you wouldn't know they had to be cheerful for a living. Mark used to be an addict, Archie was an alcoholic, Sammy has been inside for GBH, and Dave has been convicted of six counts of fraud. Still, they're good guys really, they're brilliant at what they do. Over there is Bertie, the ringmaster, and then over there..." he pointed to the largest caravan of the lot, "is Viola. Nothing is done without her permission. She knows everything. She's like our circus mum; she looks after us wherever we go. She doesn't really leave her caravan, but she has eyes and ears everywhere. She knows what we've done before we've done it."

They finally stopped at a large caravan. There was laughter coming from the inside, the sound of music playing. "This is where we live. The guys are in here, the girls over there, but we spend most of our time in here together."

Harry flung open the door and dragged Louis inside before he could protest. There were a chorus of 'Harry!''s, but Harry held up a hand to quieten them.

"Guys, this is Louis," Harry said. Louis was suddenly painfully aware of his hand still encased in Harry's. He subtly tried to pull away but Harry only held on tighter. Five pairs of eyes stared back at them. The first pair belonged to a dark haired, petite girl, who jumped up and rushed to give Louis a hug.

"Nice to meet you!" she smiled. "I'm Alice."

"Hi," Louis replied, slightly stunned from the onslaught of hugging.

"Alright mate," a blond guy said with a lilting Irish accent, standing up and shaking the hand that wasn't still holding Harry's. "Niall. I see you've found yourself a friend, Harry." He winked then, and Harry aimed a punch at his arm which he neatly dodged. "Make yourself comfy, Louis. Beer?"

"No, thanks."

"Suit yourself. That's Liam over there." Niall pointed to another guy with short brown hair, who waved from the couch, grinning. "And that's Zayn." The boy next to him with darker, slightly quiffed hair offered a wave, too. "And that's Sarah." Louis recognised the blonde girl; she'd been the one arguing with Harry on the opening night.

Louis raised an arm, prepared to wave, but Sarah's glare in his direction stopped him in his tracks. She eyed his and Harry's clasped hands and scowled harder, before standing up and brushing past Louis, slamming the caravan door behind her.

"Did I do something?" Louis asked Harry worriedly.

"Ignore her," Niall answered. "She's always like that. She's had the biggest crush on Harry for years. Can't get it into her head he's as gay as a rainbow."

"Oi!" Harry said indignantly, but Niall only reached over and ruffled his hair. "Leave off! Right, we're leaving before you manage to embarrass me even more."

"Okay. Have fun! Don't do anything I wouldn't do! Li, throw me a beer!"

"Nice meeting you!" Louis called back to the rest of them as Harry bundled him out of the door.

"Sorry about Niall," Harry said as they began walking back in the direction of the Big Top, hands still clasped between them. "He's a little intense."

"I like him," Louis decided. "I like all of them."

"Even Sarah?" Harry said disbelievingly. "Not many people like her."

"She can't be that bad."

"She's not really, not once you get to know her. She's always been my partner on the trapeze and I think she's just...protective."

"I'm sure."

"I'm not interested in her," Harry blurted suddenly. Louis gave him a confused look. "I never have been. Just so you know."

Louis nodded. "That's...good."

Harry side-eyed him, a small smile tugging at his mouth.

Finally they reached the entrance to the Big Top. Louis looked over his shoulder at the glowing lights of his house at the edge of the field and sighed.

"I should get home. I'm late as it is."

"Okay. You gonna be here tomorrow?"

"Probably," Louis tried to say casually, though they could both hear the definite 'yes' in his voice.

''Kay. Night, Lou."

"Night." Their fingers slipped from one another.

Louis turned and began waking away over the field. Barely ten paces away, there was a muffled curse and running footsteps, then Louis was being spun by hands on his shoulders.

"Wait," Harry stopped him, tugging his own bottom lip between his teeth. "I...Are you...Can I..."

He made a frustrated sound, then without further warning, he leaned down and pressed his lips to Louis'.

Louis' brain froze, eyes wide as he stared at the closed eyelids in front of him. It took him a few seconds, long enough for his lack of reaction to be noticeable, but then his body finally jerked to life. He slid one arm around Harry's waist, the other over his shoulders, and he pushed back against Harry, eyes slipping shut. Harry's hands came up to rest either side of his neck and he changed the angle slightly, tilting his head to the right, to press harder. An involuntary noise of pleasure escaped Louis' throat and he pushed a hand into Harry's hair, wasting no time in parting his lips in invitation. Harry took it, flicking his tongue gently into Louis' mouth, tracing along his lips lightly. He dropped a hand to Louis' waist and pulled him tight against his body. Louis went willingly, feeling Harry's body heat radiate into him. There was no doubt left in his mind that yes, this was what he wanted. This was what he'd wanted ever since that first spotlight lit Harry up on opening night.

Louis broke the kiss, smiling a little at Harry's sound of protest, and took a step back. Harry stepped with him, but Louis held up his hands to stop him coming any closer.

"I should probably go," he said, though even to his own ears he could hear his words held no conviction.

"You're nineteen, Lou," Harry said, trying to lean in for another kiss. "You can stay out as long as you want."

"I'll be back tomorrow," Louis assured him, disentangling Harry's arms from his waist. Harry let go, frustration evident on his face.

"Fine," he huffed eventually. "I guess I can wait."

"Good." Louis leaned up to peck his lips and backed away sharply when Harry made a move to grab him again. "Tomorrow, then."

 

********

 

As soon as Harry appeared in the tent after the show next evening he was pulling Louis in to press their lips together. Louis leaned into the other boy, letting out a little sigh, and felt Harry grin under his lips. His waist was squeezed, pulling him tight against the lean body before him as Harry's tongue slipped past his lips, exploring his mouth slowly.

"Hello," he said breathlessly when they broke apart. Harry only smiled back.

"Enjoy the show?"

''Course."

Harry tugged at his hand, pulling him towards the ladder. "Come on. I want to see if I can catch you properly today."

Harry buckled him into the harness as usual, bending down to steal light kisses as he hooked in all the wires, pressing little kisses down the side of Louis' cheek and neck as he bent down to tighten the straps on his thighs. Louis was even more aware of Harry's presence down at that level this time around, and he frantically tried to take his mind off it, thinking of everything other than Harry's fingers brushing the material on the front of his jeans to try his best to avoid a potentially awkward situation.

"Wait for my signal. Just as we did it before, yeah? Don't try and jump back to your bar on the backswing after I've caught you, just let yourself fall on the net okay? I mean, you're good, but not that good." Harry grinned, then slid down the ladder and scaled the opposite one. Chalking up his own hands and then launching on his own bar, it wasn't long before he was turning upside down and holding his arms out to Louis.

"Ready? Now!"

Louis jumped and swung forward. Harry came flying towards him, arms outstretched.

"Let go!"

Louis did as he said, releasing the bar and stretching his own arms out...and gripped Harry's forearms. He breathed out, a shaky laugh of relief as Harry carried him through the swing and then back again, gripping his own forearms with sturdy, chalky hands. Then he was being dropped, falling for a second before he bounced onto the net with a sharp exhale of breath. The harness pulled, then relaxed as Harry unclipped him from the top of ladder. He lay on his back with his eyes closed, giddy with exhilaration, his blood rushing in his ears. He'd done it; he'd mastered the move he'd seen so many people perform before him. His body bounced a little again as Harry landed on the net a short way away, then a heavy weight covered him and the smile was being kissed off his face.

"Nicely done- first time," Harry murmured, pushing his hands up Louis' T-shirt, pulling it roughly from the straps around his waist holding it down. The remaining chalk on his hands felt rough against Louis' stomach as Harry's large hands gripped his waist.

"Thanks," Louis said distractedly, hands placed limply on Harry's shoulders. "I learnt from the best."

"Harry? You in here?"

Harry's head snapped up at the call of a male voice, scrambling off Louis and dismounting from the net with ease. Louis yanked his shirt down, flattened his hair with his palm quickly and followed, cursing as he almost fell off the net head-first. Harry had made that look so easy. He could only imagine what the pair of them looked like- flushed and red in the face, hair and clothes all out of place.

Liam came hurrying towards them, Niall and Zayn close on his heels. "There you are," he said in relief when they reached them, "We've been looking for you...erm." He clocked Louis half standing behind Harry, taking in the harness around his waist, the two trapeze bars still swinging slightly above them.

"What's going on?" Niall piped up.

"Are you...did you let Louis on the bars?" Liam asked, eyes wide.

Harry shrugged in a causal manner, though Louis could see the tension in his shoulders betraying his nonchalance.

"So this is where you've been running off to every night," Zayn spoke up.

"You know that's not allowed!" Liam again. "Jesus, Harry, that's the first rule! No one apart from the performers on the equipment!"

"Christ, Li, calm down," Harry snapped, "I was only teaching him the basics."

"That's not a good idea, mate," Niall said, a frown evident between his eyebrows. "If Viola found out..."

"Viola probably knows already! She knows everything!"

"That's true," Zayn chipped in calmly.

"If something went wrong, if he hurts himself or falls or something, he could shut us down if he wanted to. Is that what you want?" Liam stared at Harry in disbelief.

Harry opened his mouth to respond, but Louis jumped in. "I would never do something like that, even if something went wrong. Harry... I trust Harry. I know he'd never let me do something dangerous."

"With all due respect, Louis," Niall shook his head slowly, "It's not your career on the line here. You've known us a matter of days. Harry's risking all our jobs by letting an outsider in."

"But..." Louis said helplessly, "I wouldn't, I didn't realise-"

"Its okay, Lou," Harry said over his shoulder. "They're being over dramatic."

"It needs to stop, Harry," Liam folded his arms over his chest. "You can't risk it."

Louis stomach felt heavy, like he'd eaten rocks. He looked at Harry and swallowed with difficulty past the lump in his throat.

"No," Harry said simply. "I'm not doing anything wrong. If Viola wants it to stop, she'll tell me. She has her little minions telling her what's going on; I bet she's known about Louis since he was here after the opening show."

"It's been going on that long?" Niall looked between them. "Why didn't you tell us you were...you know...together?"

"That only started last night," Harry said quietly, and Louis felt a blush rise up his neck when Zayn shot him a sly wink over Liam's shoulder. He tried to subtly pull his T-shirt down further. "How did you know?"

"You come in holding hands with a guy and introducing him to us, looking all smug and self satisfied? Wasn't hard work out." Liam and Zayn nodded.

"Shit, does Sarah know?"

"Probably. She's been in a shit mood all evening," Zayn answered, shrugging.

"Look," Liam said loudly over Harry cursing again. "That's not the point. If other people find out, this could damage us."

"Li, come on," Harry pleaded. "I know what I'm doing. He's good, he's got a natural talent on the bars. I'm already catching him."

"Seriously?" Zayn looked impressed. "Nice one." Louis smiled, unable to help himself.

"Please, Liam?" Louis chipped in, moving forward so he was standing shoulder to shoulder with Harry. "I've always wanted to try this, and Harry's a really good teacher. Let me carry on?"

Liam stood quietly, arms still folded across his chest. He and Harry stared each other down for a full minute. Looking between them, Louis tried to work out the silent conversation they were having.

Finally, Liam uncrossed his arms and deflated a little. "Fine," he said. "If you must do this, do it. Just, for gods sake Harry, for all of us, be bloody careful."

 

********

 

Before Louis knew it, the circus had been in town for an entire week. Saturday came along and the tent was packed to the brim, all the locals and people from the opposite side of the city and beyond flocked to the Big Top on their day off, bringing in armfuls of candy floss and doughnuts from the stalls outside. Louis couldn't help but be irritated by the amount of people that they'd tried to fit into the tent; it meant he didn't have a clearer view of Harry. People jostled him from either side, moving around in their seats and frequently getting up for more food. It was only when the tent was empty could he breathe a sigh of relief.

Louis waited in the usual place, and Harry hurried towards him as usual, kissing him hello. They climbed the ladder together and Harry took him through the warm up routine and strapped him in. Just as Harry was about to climb down to the other ladder, the tent flap moved, and five other people filed in. They both froze, silent. The people moved further into the tent and sat themselves in the front row of the audience stands. As they moved further into the light, Harry groaned, and then Louis saw them. Liam, Zayn, Niall, Alice and Sarah. They were all here, apparently looking for a show.

"Harry...?"

"I didn't know they were coming I swear," Harry assured him, offering Louis the chalk bowl. "They probably want to see how you're doing, check up on us. On me. See if its worth the risk."

"I can't do it with them watching me," Louis said, hands moving to start unstrapping himself.

"Hey!" Harry whispered, stilling his hands with his own. "Course you can. Pretend they're not here, they won't do anything to distract you, don't worry."

"They're distracting me by just being here!"

"Just pretend it's a normal practise. Ignore them. It's just you and me. Focus on me. I know you can do it. Okay?"

Louis took a deep breath, looking down at the five faces turned up towards them expectantly. ''Kay."

"Cool. We'll start with a normal swing, just go backwards and forwards twice, okay? Remember the leg movements. Then we'll catch. Wait for my signal." Then with a swift peck to Louis' lips, Harry was gone.

Louis positioned his trembling hands on the bar as he waited for Harry to get ready. He was going to fail so badly, he knew it. He'd miss Harry's hands and fall on his face and then they'd laugh at him and-

"Ready?" Harry called. Louis stole one last glance at their spectators. He thought he saw Zayn give him a sneaky thumbs up...but Sarah was glaring up at him fiercely. He saw Alice elbow her quickly and the frown lessened slightly, but it was still there.

"Lou?"

Louis shook himself and raised the bar. "Ready!"

"Three, two, one, go!"

Louis took off, pushing Sarah from his mind and focusing in on the swing. He pushed his legs forward, feeling the rush of wind from Harry's movements across from him. Two full swings later, and he was landing back on his platform, legs shaking slightly as they did whenever he landed. Keeping his eyes firmly on Harry, he watched him turn, then with arms stretched out, he called over again.

"Ready...go!"

Louis pushed himself off, concentrating hard. He let go, reached...and Harry caught him, taking him back and forth, before letting go. Louis hit the net on his back and his remaining breath left him in a huff.

Harry landed next to him after unclipping him, and helped him off the net.

"Woo!" Niall was clapping enthusiastically. "Nice one!" Alice ran over to hug him, and Zayn clapped him on the back.

"Alright, I admit it," Liam said begrudgingly as he walked over to them. "That was impressive."

Harry wrapped an arm around his shoulders, pulling him in and kissing his temple proudly. Then he turned back to the rest of them.

"Told you he was good, didn't I?" He said smugly.

Niall punched him on the arm. "Shut up," he said good-naturedly. "I believed in you from the beginning. Right, boys. And girl," he inclined his head at Alice, "Lets go, leave the lovebirds to it. Hey," he said to Louis, "We don't work on Sundays so we're going to be around all day. Wanna come over?"

Louis nodded. "Yeah okay, thanks."

"See you tomorrow then," he smiled. "Come on, you lot."

It was only after they'd left, and Louis had come down from his high, that he realised Sarah wasn't in the tent any more.

********

 

"I love Sundays." Niall declared, stripping to the waist and chucking his shirt away. "Especially when the sun's out."

Zayn murmured his agreement, watching Liam in amusement as he tried, and failed, to set up a sun lounger. Louis accepted a drink from Harry as the other boy sat down next to him, sprawling out on the rug they'd set up around the back of the caravan. Alice and Sarah were nowhere to be seen, but Louis thought that was probably a good thing. He wasn't sure how he was supposed to deal with Sarah just yet. He understood her issues with him entirely though; he knew just how it felt to have a massive crush on Harry. Fortunately for him though, Harry seemed to like him back. Well, that was if the way he was pressing little kisses to Louis' bare shoulder was anything to go by.

"Get a room!" Liam yelled at them, then aimed a kick at the sun lounger in frustration. Louis took pity and jumped up to help him.

"Thanks," Liam said gratefully, holding one end while Louis clicked the legs into place. "Stupid fucking thing."

"It's okay. I have to put up loads of these every year. Big family."

"Where do you live?" Niall asked.

"Just over there," Louis pointed. "Over the hedge. I jump over there every night and I'm right in my back garden. What about you? Where are you from?"

Suddenly everything was quiet. Louis backtracked quickly, embarrassed. "God, sorry, I didn't mean to ask that. You don't have to tell me."

"Nah, its cool," Niall said, gulping back his drink. "I'm from Ireland originally, though you probably guessed that. Ran away from home when I was twelve. My mam never liked me, dad was a drinker, so I left. Met Zayn when we were sixteen."

Louis looked over at Zayn. He didn't looked bothered at all by the whole thing, leaning back with his head tipped towards the sun, sunglasses covering his face. "My parents kicked me out," he said casually. "I was never any good in school, more focused on sport. Spent most of my time in the gym. They hated that, wanted me to be a lawyer or something." He shrugged. "I met Niall, trained a lot with him. Came home one day to find my stuff in the front garden."

Louis didn't know what to say. Zayn must have seen him gaping like a fish behind his dark glasses, because he offered a small smile. "S'cool. Don't worry. These guys are my family now."

Liam spun the lounger over so it stood the right way up, nodding to himself in satisfaction. "What about you?" Louis asked carefully, moving over to sit back down next to Harry, who looped an arm round his shoulders and pulled him into his side.

"Me?" Liam asked. "I was seventeen when I met Harry. Dad had just been put in prison, mum remarried and moved away. Left me behind. Said I was an adult now, I should be able to look after myself. Landlord came over eventually wanting rent I didn't have, so I packed a bag and left too. Harry took me after we met and he knew I was into acrobatics and stuff, so we practised together. We went along to Viola's circus auditions as a pair, met Zayn and Niall there. Then were put into a group with Sarah and Alice and told to start working as a team cos she wanted us. From there it was practise, practise, practise, to get ready to tour with her. Lucky we all liked each other from the word go, really."

"Some more than others," Niall said, glancing at Harry. At Louis' curious look, Harry sighed.

"Viola thought Sarah and I would work well together," he explained. "We did- we still do. I catch all of these guys on the swings, but my acrobatic work is with Sarah, like floorwork, lifts and things. She made it very clear she was interested, but I told her I wasn't. We work too well together as a team to risk things being awkward though."

Louis couldn't help the slight wave of jealousy he felt, even though Harry had assured him before that nothing had ever happened between them.

"Does she understand you're not into her gender as a whole?" he asked.

"Oh she knows that," Liam put in,"I think she's convinced herself it's a phase or something."

"Yeah, like one day Harry will wake up and decide he's not gay anymore," Niall snorted. "Needs her head tested."

"Hey," Harry chided gently. "She's still our friend."

"I get it," Louis assured him, linking his fingers through Harry's. "It's tough for her. Suddenly I'm here, around you all the time. She thinks I'm taking her partner away from her." He shrugged, "I'd be jealous, too."

"Yeah?" Harry raised an eyebrow. "Didn't have you as the jealous type."

"I'm not," Louis said defensively, trying to pull his hand away. Harry hung on though, leaning in closer.

"You so are. I like it," he mumbled in Louis' ear, kissing just below it.

"Guys, please," came the exasperated voice of Liam. "There are people here trying to enjoy their Sunday afternoon." Niall threw his balled up T-shirt at them.

"Oi!" Harry threw it back, aimed perfectly at Niall's head. "You're just jealous."

"Pft. Hardly," he scoffed, removing the shirt from his face. "You wish I swung your way."

It was Harry's turn to snort.

"So, ah, what about you?" Louis asked, trying to divert back to the original conversation to distract Harry from biting his earlobe softly.

"Not much to tell," came Harry's muffled voice.

"You've got to tell him, Harry," Zayn said. "We all told him our stories."

"Urgh, fine." Harry sat up straight, watching Louis warily for a moment. "So, like I told you, I always went to the circus as a kid, always wanted to be on the trapeze. My mum took me to classes, bought me all the stuff I needed, all the costumes for competitions, bandaged me up when I fell off the bars. She remarried when I was ten. Safe to say the guy didn't like me, not at all. He didn't think all the Lycra and acrobatics thing was 'manly'." Harry's voice had become cold, detached. "He saw it as his duty to beat the manliness into me. Mum never knew, and I never told her. Went on for six years, until Liam moved in. He couldn't get me alone as much when Liam was around."

The atmosphere had become still while as Harry had spoken. Louis could only stare, open mouthed.

"Last I heard, Mum's remarried again, and this guy is meant to be pretty decent. That was about a year ago, about six months after Liam and I auditioned for this. Viola does that. She sees people that need help, and she saves them. She saved all of us. It's like Zayn said-this lot here are my family."

Louis swallowed, mouth dry. There were no words; he didn't know what to say. "Harry, I..." he trailed off. Instead, he clutched Harry's hand tighter, leaned in, turning Harry's chin towards him and kissing him hard. There was no teasing from the other boys this time, they stayed silent. Harry kissed back, cupping the back of Louis' head with his other hand to bring him closer. Whatever Louis was trying to say through the kiss, somehow, thankfully, Harry understood.

He pulled away gently to rest his forehead on Louis', and nudged their noses together.

"Thank you," was all he whispered.


	2. Chapter 2

On Monday the circus was back in business, which meant Louis couldn't see Harry until the evening. Harry had promised that Louis could try going upside down after the show, and maybe, he had said, if Louis could do that easily, he could try catching Harry. Louis was buzzing.

His family had questioned him when he'd finally arrived home late Sunday evening, asking where he'd been all day, but Louis had told then he was with friends. That hadn't been a complete lie; the guys had become his friends, even in the short amount of time he'd known them. The thought of them leaving, of Harry leaving, sent a cold drop of dread down his spine. Of course they'd have to go, they had other cities to perform to, a whole new set of people to impress. But just because it was inevitable didn't mean it was any easier for him to deal with.

Louis dressed in sweatpants and T-shirt this time, not entirely sure what hanging upside down entailed. He felt horribly under-dressed next to everyone else in the audience, who had least made some sort of effort, and he was very thankful that the audience was in darkness when the show was in progress.

After, he wandered to his usual spot to wait for Harry. He was later than usual today, so Louis began his stretches, warming his muscles up so they wouldn't pull (he'd made the mistake of not warming up before; he'd never make that mistake again).

When he'd finished stretching, Harry still hadn't turned up. Louis was just contemplating climbing the ladder to start putting on the harness himself when the sound of the tent opening reached his ears.

"Finally," he called over his shoulder. "Was just about to get started without you."

No one answered. Louis turned around, peering into the shadows. "Hello?"

For a horrible moment, he thought he'd been caught by one of the other performers. They would definitely cause an issue, and he really didn't want to be the reason Harry got into trouble. A shadow shifted to his left, and he peered at it, heart thumping.

Sarah stepped out of the shadows. She was still in her show costume, a white leotard and skirt covered in sequins, blonde hair fixed with no small amount of hairspray into a tight bun. She also wore a frown, though, lip curled in contempt. She looked Louis up and down obviously, folding her arms over her chest.

"Hi.," Louis said, trying a small smile. Sarah's eyes flashed. "Erm," he tried again. "I'm just waiting for Harry...have you seen him?"

"What do you want?" she said sharply.

"Oh, nothing, I'm just waiting-"

"No," she cut him off, rolling her eyes hugely. Louis bristled. He wanted to like Sarah, really he did, but she was making it damn hard. "I mean, what do you want from Harry?"

"I...I don't know? I don't want anything from him...just him. I like him, I guess, if that's what you mean. Kind of a lot, actually."

That was the wrong thing to say, apparently. Sarah advanced on him, looking rather threatening despite the fact she was far shorter than Louis.

"Look, I don't know what you're trying to pull here, but Harry has a team. A good one. He has a partner already." She pulled herself to her full height, "We work well together."

"I know, honestly, I get that," Louis held his hands out, palms up. "I know that, and Harry does too. He wouldn't do anything to hurt you, really. I know you're protective of him, and he's protective of you, too. I don't want to get in the way of you two working together."

Sarah seemed to withdraw a little. Some of the hostility left her body, to Louis' relief. Then, her eyes became large, and her bottom lip wobbled a little. Louis saw her take a deep breath.

"He doesn't look at me the way he looks at you."

Sympathy for her rushed forward in Louis' chest. He took a step closer, and when she didn't lash out he took another step. Up close, she really was quite pretty under all her show make up, even though her face was scrunched up a little, eyes watering. Louis didn't want to hurt her. It wasn't his place to let her down gently; Harry had to do that.

"Look," he said, trying to placate her. "You make it seem as if Harry and I are serious about each other! We're not. How can we be?! I've only known the guy for a few days, really. I mean, I don't like him that much. Whatever this is, it doesn't really mean anything. It's just a casual thing while he's in town." The words stuck in Louis' throat, but he carried on, forcing them out. "He'll forget about me when you go. I just wanted him to teach me up there!" he gestured to the trapeze above them. "That's it. We're just a bit of fun! It's just a fling!"

"Really?" Sarah smiled a tiny smile and scrubbed at her watery eyes, rubbing eyeshadow all over her hands. Louis breathed an internal sigh of relief and nodded firmly.

Sarah looked up, then glanced over Louis shoulder. In a blink the tears were gone, and a satisfied smirk was spreading across her face.

Louis' blood ran cold.

Slowly, he turned on his heel. Harry stood mere feet from them, fists clenched into balls at his sides, teeth gritted hard together. His expression was furious, lip curled up in disgust. His eyes flashed in the low light.

Louis moved forward, reaching out. "Harry, I-" he started, taking a step towards him. Harry took a bigger step away, though, backing away from him.

"Harry-"

"Don't." Harry almost growled in a clipped, barely controlled voice. "Just. _Don't_."

Then he was storming away, throwing the tent flap open and disappearing.

Louis cursed loudly. Leaving Sarah behind he began running after Harry at full pelt. Harry, though, had both longer legs and fitness on his side, and by the time Louis burst out of the tent there was no sign of him in the rapidly dwindling light. He looked this way and that, craning his neck to catch any glimpse of his tall figure.

Louis began dodging his way in and out of the maze of cabins and tents, nearly tripping over tent wires and stray pieces of equipment as he searched. Luckily most of the artists had settled down for the night, or they had gone into town, giving Louis free reign of the camp with only a slight chance of being seen. Still, there was no sign on him. The light had faded completely now; his only sources of light were the lanterns hanging on the side of the caravans that threw large shadows everywhere, giving Harry countless places to hide.

Once Louis reached the outskirts of the camp and had come up with nothing, he quickly turned on his heel and hurried back in the direction of Harry's own place, praying that he'd decided to go there and vent to the boys. He broke into a jog to get there quicker, and doubled back on himself just to make sure he had the right one. Knocking quickly on the door, he opened it and stepped in without invitation.

"Louis," Niall said in surprise from where he was sprawled on the small sofa. There was no sign of anyone else with him. "You alright, mate?"

"Have you seen Harry?" Louis asked, trying to peer down the dark, cramped corridor where their bedrooms were. "I have to find him."

"Haven't seen him," Niall shook his head. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah. Actually no, not really," Louis pushed a hand through his hair. "I fucked up. Badly. You don't know where he might have gone, do you?"

"He could have gone anywhere," Niall sat up, setting his beer down on the table in front of him. "Harry can disappear really well when he wants to."

"Shit. Okay, will you tell him that I'm looking for him when he turns up?"

"Sure."

"Thanks." Then Louis was out the door again, running back to check the Big Top in case Harry had backtracked there and they'd just missed each other in passing. Maybe he'd be waiting there to talk it out...

But no. He wasn't there either. Louis checked all the stands in the tent, checked under the trapeze net, even stood as far back as he could to check Harry wasn't up on one of the platforms. He wasn't. The whole place was empty.

Harry wouldn't want to see him, and Louis didn't blame him. Not one bit.

 

********

 

Louis didn't go to the show the next night. Instead he spent the night in bed, wallowing in his own misery. He couldn't remember a time in his still relatively short life where he'd felt more like a complete twat. He'd screwed up and run away, again. He'd tried so hard to please Sarah and tell her what she'd wanted to hear that he'd willingly dismissed the tentative relationship he started with Harry as nothing. As if that was bad enough, Harry had actually heard him. He didn't think he could have fucked things up more.

He was so close to the Big Top he could actually hear the music from the show, could even hear some of the applause. He listened, pinpointing when each act came on from the music changes. Then he heard chatter, people laughing and shouting as they left the tent to go home. He wondered briefly if Harry had looked for him at the end of the how, wondering if he'd gone back to the tent to see if Louis had turned up. Maybe, if he pulled on some clothes and sprinted he could meet Harry, he knew he'd be quick enough.But then again, he couldn't guarantee that Harry wouldn't just tell him to fuck off. Maybe he was better off in bed.

Rolling over, he buried his head under his pillow to drown out the sounds of the exuberant crowd. Tomorrow, he promised himself. He'd face Harry tomorrow.

 

********

 

Louis released a shaky breath. He'd had his eyes fixed on Harry from the moment he'd appeared to the moment they'd all run out of the tent. For one moment he'd thought he'd seen Harry's eyes scan the crowd as if he was looking for him, but that could have just been his hopeful imagination. Now he was here, standing in the middle of the floor, waiting. He wasn't even sure Harry would turn up, and even if he did whether he would give him the time to explain himself.

After fifteen minutes of waiting, the tent flap rustled, and a tall figure stepped into the spotlight.

Louis' stomach flipped, turning in on itself. He licked his lips. "Hi," he croaked.

Harry only stared at him, eyes hard.

"Okay," Louis dropped his gaze, but soldiered on. "I don't know how much you heard Monday night, but I waned to tell you that it's-"

"It's not what it looked like?" Harry interrupted, sneering. "Oh, you were making yourself perfectly clear from where I was standing."

"That's the point!" Louis blurted without thinking. "You shouldn't have been there!"

"I shouldn't have-" Harry spluttered, incredulous. Louis winced. "I was there for _you_ , to teach you! But that's all you were ever here for, isn't it? To learn how to fly. I was just a bit of _fun_."

"I didn't mean that! Sarah was there and I thought-"

"Save it for someone who cares," Harry said cruelly. "I'm done." He shot one last scathing look at Louis, then turned sharply on his heel and began striding away.

Louis gaped after him. Before he could get any further away Louis ran, jumping in front of him and spreading his arms so he couldn't get past.

"Listen, listen," he pleaded. Harry stopped trying to get past and backed away a couple of steps, staring at the floor grimly. Louis bit his lip- Harry couldn't even bear to look at him.

"I didn't mean that you weren't supposed to be here," he explained slowly, trying to get the words straight in his head before they came out of his mouth. "I meant that you weren't supposed to hear that. You were late, I was waiting for you. Sarah turned up, started threatening me, telling me I wasn't going to take you away from her. She started crying on me! I was only trying to be nice! I thought I could let her down gently if I told her we weren't serious. I was trying not to hurt her because I know she's your friend!"

To Louis' dismay, Harry was shaking his head. "A fling. That's what you called it. A fucking _fling!_ " he yelled suddenly. Louis took a sharp step back away from him.

"I was lying!."

"You know," Harry carried on as if he hadn't heard him. "Maybe Liam was right."

"No."

Harry wasn't listening. "This is too dangerous. I could lose my job."

"Harry-"

"Hey, maybe you were right too," he huffed a humourless, sarcastic laugh. "Maybe we wouldn't work out. We've only known each other a few days after all, haven't we? I don't even know your last name. In four days time when I'm gone you'll forget about me completely -"

"Stop it! Fucking _stop it_!" Louis yelled over the top of him. Harry shut his mouth, looking faintly surprised. Louis unclenched his fists and tried to slow his pounding heart. This wasn't going the way he planned, Harry wasn't getting it.

"I'm sorry," he said finally. "What I did was out of order, but I was only trying to comfort Sarah. You need to know I didn't mean a word. In fact I think the complete opposite. This..." he swallowed hard, breath shaky in his chest. "I know it's only been, what, ten days? But I never though it would only be a casual thing. Why should I have thought that? Just because you're going to leave in a few days doesn't mean I'm going to forget about you when you're gone. Just because we might not see each other for a long time doesn't mean it's not worth it now. I ...like you. A lot. And I want.. I want everything. I want this, here. I want more of you. I wanna know what you do on days off, what stuff you like, if you ever miss home even with everything that happened to you. Yeah, you might be right," he shrugged holding his arms out, "This might be a horrible idea because to be quite honest I'm not sure what I'm going to do when you have to go...but, its worth a try, isn't it?" he trailed off.

Harry was silent for a long moment. It was so quiet, so still between them that Louis could hear the wind rustling outside the tent along with every beat of his heart hammering in his chest. Harry sighed suddenly, shoulders slumping, all the bravado leaving him in one long breath.

Louis stepped forward gingerly, relieved when Harry didn't back away from him. When they were inches apart, arms lifted to pull him in close, and Louis sank into him, a low noise of relief escaping his lips. He rested his forehead on Harry shoulder and let his eyes fall shut, and after a minute Harry's chin was resting on the top of his head. A hand latched onto his hip and squeezed, and Louis squeezed Harry's bicep in return.

He turned his head, intending to press a small kiss to Harry's neck, but Harry turned his head and ducked down to fit their mouths together properly. Louis couldn't help himself; he smiled into Harry, all teeth, and pushed a hand into the hair on the back of Harry's head, tugging lightly. Harry groaned, and Louis froze. The sound shot straight through him; all the blood left his head, flooding down at a dizzying rate. Harry must have felt him against his thigh because an impatient noise escaped between their lips and then Louis was falling. Before he could panic about hitting the floor Harry was there, catching him and lowering him gently before leaning over him, almost covering him completely with his long limbs. The ground was uncomfortable under his back and head but Louis was past caring, all he needed was Harry to stay above him like that, pressing his groin to Louis' as his tongue crept past his lips and licked into his mouth.

He was vaguely aware of the tiny, high pitched needy sounds that were leaving his lips, but Harry seemed to like them, making noises that sounded like 'yes' and 'Lou' and pulling Louis' t-shirt up, until it was off over his head and flying somewhere else. At Louis' insistent tugging on his own shirt Harry complied and pulled it off, throwing it so it joined Louis'. The Lycra costumes they had to wear did nothing to show off their bodies, Louis quickly decided. Harry wasn't overly muscular, but all the time he spent working out certainly paid off. Louis held onto his shoulders and tilted his head back, gasping a little when Harry bore down, grinding their lower bodies together and licking up Louis' Adam's apple. He could feel Harry outlined against him, hips pressing relentlessly against his, shooting bolts of electricity up his spine.

Louis slid a hand down bare, heated skin, over Harry's quivering stomach and tensed abs, down to the waistband of his sweatpants.

"Lou," Harry breathed, dropping his forehead to Louis'. Louis didn't answer, only slipped his palm beneath the material and pressed his palm lightly to the hardness he found there.

Harry groaned loudly, shifting his hips so Louis had better access, and Louis closed his hand around Harry and began to move his hand, slow and torturous. He could see Harry's arms began to shake either side of him so he nudged him over so they were lying side by side. This time Louis leaned over Harry's torso, kissing him slowly. Harry's hips bucked and he grabbed Louis' wrist and cried out when Louis increased the pace, twisting his wrist a little and using his thumb to flick the head until he found a spot that had Harry body stilling as he pulsed in his hand and called his name.

Louis flopped down next to him on his back, withdrawing his hand slowly and wiping it on the nearest shirt he found. He was shortly pulled into a scorching kiss by a recovered Harry, who was unbuttoning Louis' jeans and reaching inside.

"Ah, Harry!" he cried as Harry's hand grasped him firmly and began stroking, Harry kissed down his chest, over one nipple, down to his belly button as he worked him, and Louis could already feel himself teetering on the edge. A sharp cry left his lips as Harry went one step further and enveloped him in his mouth, lips wrapped just around the head. He sucked lightly while still moving his hand, tongue curling over the tip as he looked up at Louis from under his eyelashes.

"Harry," Louis choked, arching his spine. Harry pulled off and shifted back up to kiss down Louis neck, biting softly.

All it took was him whispering ' _come for me_ ' in Louis' ear, and he was done for, coming with a shout as Harry stroked him through it and murmured his name over and over in his ear.

Later, when they were lying side by side, breath slowly coming back to the both of them, Louis felt fingers link in with his own.

'''Tomlinson'," he said. Harry shifted to look at him, confusion evident on his face. "My last name is 'Tomlinson'."

The confusion cleared, a nod of acknowledgement came.

"Mine's 'Styles'."

''Styles?" Louis repeated, Harry nodded in confirmation. "S'nice. I like it."

The fingers between his tightened, holding on.

********

 

It had rained all day, which had done nothing to help Louis' mood. When it was time for the show Louis ran across the field with the hood of his jacket up, which offered little protection against the driving rain. The audience hadn't dwindled at all, however, the tent was still full as usual. Louis tried to cheer himself up by throwing himself into the performances, but it was only when Harry came rushing up to kiss him did after the show did his mood alleviate slightly.

"What's up?" Harry called across to him as they climbed the ladders. They weren't using harnesses this time, Harry wanted to see how well he flew without it.

"Nothing," Louis called back, not meeting his eyes as he chalked up and unhooked a bar.

"Louis..."

Louis could hear the warning in his tone. He sighed. "Only that...you're only here for another three days."

"Hey. Hey!" Harry shouted when Louis didn't respond the first time. "Don't think about it. I'm trying not to. Focus on this instead yeah? We're going straight in with catching, okay? On my signal."

After a few failed tries, after Louis had fallen off the bar and bounced onto the net because he wasn't used to flying without the harness, they did it. Harry swung him back and forth, before dropping then both down onto the net, one after the other. He sucked Louis off right there, holding Louis hips hard enough to bruise when Louis came down his throat, yelling his name.

 

********

 

Time drew near. Louis found himself holding onto Harry more; holding his hand, curling a finger in his belt loop, resting a hand on his hip, as if getting in as many touches as he could before they left and Louis wouldn't know when he'd touch him again. Harry was just as bad, not letting Louis leave until the small hours of the morning, sometimes even when the sun was beginning to come up, and Louis would have to sprint home before his parents realised he'd been out all night.

Saturday night rolled around again, the evening of the closing show. Louis stood longer, clapped harder and cheered louder than any other member of the audience in the entire tent. To everyone else it had been a spectacular finale, but to Louis it had been bittersweet. Yes, it had been incredible, but there was also an awful sense of finality to it that had him wanting to find Harry and not let go until they had to be prised apart.

After the show, Louis waited in his usual spot, in amongst the debris of the glitter canons and the streamers that had been blown everywhere on the final number, where all the artists had come out to take a final bow.

He hadn't even be there five minutes when Harry turned up, still in his costume. A glance at him told Louis there was something not quite right. Harry looked a little lost; there was an odd, desperate glint to his eyes. He didn't give any greeting, just grabbed Louis' hand and pulled. Louis didn't ask questions as they hurried in and out of celebrating performers, all shouting at each other about where they were going and how they were going to celebrate. A few people called to Harry, but they didn't get an answer, Harry only brushed past them, taking longer strides so they were almost running together until they reached Harry's caravan. He hustled Louis inside, slammed the door behind them, and then he was on him. His hands held Louis' neck and he pressed his mouth to his fiercely, desperately, teeth clicking together slightly as Harry silently asked for more and Louis tried to give it to him. Louis held fast to Harry's waist, feeling the rough lines of all the sequins under his fingers as he stroked up and down Harry's back.

"Come on," Harry said between kisses, leading Louis down the small corridor into the last room at the end. Harry's bedroom was tiny, a size to expected in a caravan. Small wooden cabinets were fixed up high on the wall, and most of the room was taken up by a twin bed, covered in blue and white sheets. Louis was pushed gently onto the bed and Harry followed him down, shutting the door behind them. His hands went everywhere, making quick work of Louis' shirt and jeans before standing up with no small amount of effort on the mattress and peeling away his skin tight costume, dropping it carelessly down the side of the bed. Louis shucked off his boxers and spread his legs to accommodate Harry's hips when he knelt back down again.

Their erections brushed, a spark of heat that elicited a low moan from both of them. Without warning, Louis' world tilted and righted itself again as he was manhandled and turned so he was lying on top of Harry and Harry's knees were spread around his hips.

"You sure?" Louis managed to ask between kisses, his voice sounding too loud in the tiny space between them.

" _Yes_. Yeah. Need it. Come on, hurry." Harry locked his long legs around Louis waist, pulling him down closer.

"Okay," Louis exhaled a shaky breath. "Condom?"

"Second cabinet," Harry kissed the side of his neck. "Lube, too."

Louis got to his feet, wobbling on the soft mattress and staggering to the cabinets. He rifled around, pushing clothes to one side until he eventually found both items. Setting them next to Harry he knelt back down, leaning forward to gently reattach their lips. With one hand he coated his index and middle finger and lightly trailed them down to Harry's hole, tracing around it lightly.

"This okay?"

"Yeah, go on," Harry pulled his knees back more and Louis had to close his eyes for a moment to gain back some semblance of control. He pressed lightly with his middle finger until the muscle gave way, and he was in. Harry showed no sign of discomfort, panting shallowly and rubbing a hand up and down the outside of Louis thigh where he knelt between his legs. "Another," was all he said. Louis complied, adding his index finger, and Harry did wince a little then, but it flitted across his face so fast Louis nearly missed it. He twisted his fingers, separating them to stretch Harry a little.

"S'okay," Harry grabbed his wrist shortly after that. "Has to be tight. Need to feel it."

Louis swallowed down a dry throat and reached for the condom, sliding it on and positioning himself.

"Ready?"

"Yeah...."

Louis shifted forward, pushing slowly in in one long push until he was all in. There he paused, breathing slowly, trying to get control. If he didn't, this would be over before it had even begun because fuck, Harry really was tight. Experimentally, he pulled out a little way and pushed back in, and Harry arched into him, grabbing onto his waist and crying out a little. Louis repeated the motion, feeling Harry relax around him as the pain quickly turned to pleasure, and he established a slow rhythm, pushing into Harry with deep, even strokes until Harry was coming undone beneath him, mumbling half formed words. One of Harry's hands slid down between them to feel where they were joined and his eyes slid slowly open to meet Louis'. He smiled widely, and Louis couldn't help but grin back, leaning down to try and steal some of that smile to keep for himself. Harry wrapped his arms around Louis' back, pulling him down so they were flush against each other and Harry's own erection became trapped between them, creating a sweet friction that had Harry gasping into Louis' mouth.

"Come on," he encouraged around Louis' lips. "Do it."

Louis increased his strokes, harder, faster, propping himself up on his hands to watch Harry beneath him. Harry hands moved again to palm his bum, gripping handfuls of flesh and urging Louis on. On one thrust Louis slowed and angled his hips differently just to see if he could find...

The way Harry cried out suddenly told him he'd found it. He made sure to hit that spot a couple more times, pushing Harry further and further to the edge before he lost it completely.

He rode out Harry's orgasm, the sight of it sending him hurtling towards his own. He thrust sharply once, twice more and then he was finished, muscles tensing for a moment before he collapsed down onto Harry, shaking. Harry stroked a hand up and down his spine as he regained his breath, and then helped him with the condom, holding the base as Louis pulled out before tying it off and throwing it away. Louis flung an arm across Harry's chest and curled into his side, not being able to keep his eyes from slipping closed. Harry played with the hair at the base of Louis' neck, twisting it around his fingers before he too succumbed to sleep, his hand falling limp on the pillow beside Louis' head.

A while later, Louis woke up to the sound of voices. With no clock or phone around them, he had no idea of the time, though by the darkness outside it must have been around two or three in the morning.

He could make out Niall and Liam's voices, laughing way too loudly to be sober, but in his half awake state he couldn't work out if it was Sarah or Alice with them. To be safe, he tugged the bed covers over them. Harry stirred in his sleep, snuffling against the pillow, before settling down again, gravitating towards Louis.

"Harry! You in, mate?" he heard Niall slur.

"I'll check," Liam replied. Louis heard footsteps come to Harry's door and he quickly settled in close to Harry, feigning sleep.

The bedroom door opened a crack, enough for the light from the outside to spill over their faces. Louis made sure to keep carefully still, evening his breathing out to match Harry's. Then the light faded, and the door snicked softly shut.

"Nah, he's not here," Liam announced. Louis breathed a sigh of relief, feeling a rush of gratitude for Liam, even in his clearly drunk state. "I say we carry this on at the girls' place!"

There was a cheer, and gradually the voices faded until the caravan was in silence again. Louis sighed, content, and burrowed deeper into Harry's chest.

********

 

They woke early the next morning. Harry made them two mugs of tea in chipped mugs he'd found in the small kitchenette they had, along with a pile of toast. They ate in silence, both of them contemplating the day ahead. The circus had to leave today, move on somewhere new. Louis wasn't sure how to deal with it yet. He hadn't prepared himself. He'd had days to think about it before, now he only had hours. By five o'clock that evening the field would be empty, and it would be like they'd never even been there.

The toast he was crunching suddenly tasted like cardboard, sticking in his mouth. He put his plate down on the floor bedside the bed and tried his best to brush the crumbs off himself, busying himself before he fell into a downward spiral that would inevitably lead to a panic attack.

"Are you all packed?" he asked finally, breaking the quiet between them.

Harry nodded, taking another bite. "Not much to pack really. Just got to put everything away in the cupboards and lock them so nothing breaks while we're travelling."

Louis only nodded, at a loss of what to say next. Instead of saying anything more he linked his fingers with Harry's and held on, and Harry seemed to understand. They were good at silent communication; they just got each other. It would just have to be Louis' luck that he was only allowed to have the person who understood him as well as Harry did for two short weeks.

"Will you," he asked when he felt he could speak. "Will you come back?"

Harry's head snapped to look at him. "Of course I'm coming back. Did you really just ask me that?"

Louis shrugged, not meeting his gaze.

"I've been taking to the boys," Harry went on. "They like it here. We need someplace to pitch up for the winter while we're not touring with Viola, so..."

"You're going to come back here? For the whole of winter?"

It was Harry's turn to shrug slightly. "It's as good a place as any. We'll be gone for a while, though," he warned. "This is only the first city of the tour. We probably won't be back for another four months. Until September? But then, if you still want me, I'll come back."

"Of course. I mean, yes," Louis nodded fiercely. "Please."

Harry's smile turned soft. "Good." He leaned over to kiss Louis gently. Louis couldn't be nearly as gentle, pressing back harder until Harry caught on, setting his mug and plate aside to drag Louis down into sheets that were gritty with toast crumbs. Louis licked into his mouth, tasting tea on his tongue. Goosebumps erupted over his skin when Harry kicked the duvet away, exposing them to the cold air of the room, and ran a hand down Louis side, over his waist, his hip, his thigh, before dragging it back up to his neck and cupping it there as they kissed. Louis soon felt a hardness pressing into his leg, and he shoved gently at Harry's chest until the boy was up on his feet and rummaging around for another condom. This time though, Louis closed Harry's fist around the small foil wrapper, pushing it away when Harry tried to hand it over. Harry watched him for a moment, before he nodded and settled himself between Louis' thighs, tearing open the condom and sliding it on over himself.

Finally, when he was all the way in, Louis could feel him everywhere; his fingers leaving white hot trails wherever they went, his tongue stroking over his, his hips rolling as he moved. Louis could only dig his fingers into Harry's back and hold on as Harry's pace quickened and he marked Louis with his fingers and his mouth. He sucked a deep purple bruise into Louis' collarbone, and Louis couldn't find it in himself to care. Hands held his hips so tightly Louis knew he'd have finger shaped bruises there in a few hours, but he welcomed them. Anything, anything to remind him of Harry while he was away.

" _Lou_ ," Harry groaned hotly into his ear as he pushed faster, and Louis heard a whimper leave his lips in response. He began tilting his hips on every thrust, trying to get Harry as deep as he could.

"Go on," he whispered. "Let go."

With a shout, Harry did, chest heaving, Louis following moments after. They lay together for as long as Louis could bear, until the feeling of Harry inside him became uncomfortable, and he tapped Harry's shoulder softly. Harry pulled out gently, rolling onto his side next to Louis to get rid of the condom. Louis brushed his hair out of his eyes and off his sweaty forehead. He already looked like he was drifting off to sleep again. Pulling Louis closer to him, he dropped a kiss on his forehead.

"Don't go until later," Harry yawned, eyes drifting shut. "The guys will be back soon..."

But Louis didn't reply. Instead he waited, counting to sixty over and over again until he got to thirty minutes, watching Harry to check he really was asleep. When no movement came from him, Louis began extracting himself from his arms. Harry didn't even stir. He picked up his clothes from the floor, then he leaned over the side of the bed and pressed a tiny kiss to Harry's cheek. He stilled, waiting for him to wake up. Thankfully, he didn't.

He didn't want to hang around and wave Harry off. It would be easier for both of them this way. And anyway, he thought, this wasn't goodbye. This was far from goodbye.

With one last look back at the sleeping boy, Louis quietly let himself out.

 

********

 

The next few months that passed felt like the longest of Louis' life. He'd watched forlornly from his window as the Big Top was dismantled and packed away into huge trucks, and the cars and vans left the field single file until it was just a vast, empty space again. The only evidence they'd ever been there were small holes in the ground where the tent pegs had been hammered in, and a large expanse of matted grass where the Big Top had once proudly stood.

For days he'd tormented himself about leaving Harry in bed like that, cursing himself as cowardly and pathetic, running away when things got tough. He hadn't even said goodbye to the rest of the group. At that moment it had felt like the right thing to do, but now he desperately wished he'd stayed with Harry. Even just a little while longer, enough to get a contact number out of him or anything. He didn't even know if Harry had a phone, he'd never seen him with one. It was with a palpable sadness that Louis realised he probably didn't have anyone to contact; he didn't talk to his family, and he was always with the boys...he didn't even need a phone. Louis wished he had one, though. It would have made the months apart so much easier.

Louis had thrown himself into getting a summer job, and eventually found one working his local supermarket. He took long shifts, both wanting to earn the extra money and to preoccupy his mind and keep him busy. By day he stacked shelves and served customers, but by night he dreamed of the circus. Acrobats and jugglers in the most colourful costumes leapt through his mind, and the orange flames from fire eaters' torches danced behind his eyelids. Whenever he dreamt about the circus, it would always end with the trapeze. In his minds' eye Louis would see Harry standing on the platform, arms held proudly aloft, taking in the crowds' raucous applause.

Louis would always wake with a start. The colours faded, and Louis would sigh deeply before sliding out of bed to pull on his work uniform. The summer was a hot one, a rarity for England. The long, sunny days stretched all through July and August; the national papers declared a heat wave as the temperatures soared. Louis would often pause at his bedroom window as he puttered around to watch the people that came to the field. Parents with their kids came to play games and have picnics, teenagers came along with tin foil barbecues and alcohol poorly concealed in plastic bags, business men and women came to sit on the benches during their lunch breaks, undoing their ties or kicking off their heels.

Then finally, September rolled around. Louis had saved up enough of his wages to buy a small, fairly cheap mobile phone. When Harry came back, Louis was going to give it to him as a present. That way, when Harry had to leave him again, they would be able to talk whenever they liked, and Louis wouldn't have to wait stupid amounts of time to know how Harry was doing.

The first week of September passed. Then the second. The phone stayed wrapped in Louis' bedside drawer, ready for when Harry came back. Louis would eagerly look out of his bedroom window each morning to check if there was a car or a caravan in the field...but there never was. The third week of the month crawled past, and some of Louis' hope began leeching away. Perhaps Harry had decided not to come back. maybe, he thought despondently, he'd found a better option.

Then, one morning, it was there.

Louis blinked, just to make sure. But the car and the attached caravan stayed put, real, solid before his eyes.

On cue, the caravan door opened, and a blond head of hair emerged. Louis grinned and waved, trying to get his attention. Niall spotted him and waved back, then turned back to the open door and called something inside.

Seconds later, a tall, curly haired figure tumbled out, looking straight at Louis as Niall pointed up to his window. Louis saw a wide grin stretch across his face, and Harry lifted a hand to wave up at him.

Stumbling back across his bedroom, Louis yanked on the first pair of shoes he came across, almost tripping down the stairs as he tried to run and tug them on at the same time. He hurtled through the kitchen, ignoring the questions that were fired his way, and fumbled with the key in the lock of the back door. No sooner had he heard the lock click, he was running down the garden, throwing himself at the hedge and almost landing on his arse as he fell over the other side.

Then he was running, running as fast as he could across to where Harry was striding towards him. The wind whipped past him, stinging his cheeks and making his eyes water so his vision of Harry blurred.

The figure became larger and taller and then he was slamming into a hard chest, sending Harry staggering backwards a couple of steps. Arms wound around his waist for support as Harry righted himself, then they tightened, so much so that Louis' ribs ached with the force of it. He flung his own arms around Harry's neck and flattened himself along the length of Harry's body, trying his hardest to get closer. He pressed his face into Harry's neck as Harry bent down slightly to rest his head on Louis' shoulder, nose tickling the side of his own neck. Louis breathed in deeply, and it was like a knot in his chest had loosened, unraveling and letting him breathe again. He tried to step back and make eye contact, but Harry just yanked him in again to cover Louis' mouth with lips that kissed him with a desperation that reassured Louis that Harry had missed him too.

"Hi," he breathed when they eventually broke apart.

Harry's replying smile was breathtaking. "Hello," he murmured, and god, how Louis loved that voice. "Miss me?"

"Nah, not really," Louis pulled him down to kiss him again, swallowing Harry's little chuckle.

"Jesus!" Niall's voice jarred through Louis. "They're at it already!"

Louis saw Harry stick his middle finger up toward Niall, who only laughed harder. More people emerged from the caravan, voices he recognised as Liam and Zayn. A loud wolf whistle had Louis blushing but Harry paid them no mind, too busy reacquainting himself with the inside of Louis' mouth.

A little niggling voice in the back of Louis' head reminded him that he'd forgotten Harry's present in his haste and that it was still gathering dust in his bedside drawer, but Louis couldn't find it in him to care. They'd get it later. They had time.

The last few months no longer mattered, not anymore. Everything faded into the background of Louis' mind, until there was only _this_.

 

End. 

**Author's Note:**

> I don't actually know anything about the swinging trapeze, I can't even do a cartwheel, so if anything is wrong feel free to let me know about it :)  
> I edited this and re-drafted it a couple of times and I'm still not sure about it, so any feedback is always welcome.  
> Title comes from Queen's 'The Show Must Go On'.
> 
> Come say hi on my tumblr! converseandglitteryboots.tumblr
> 
> Thank you for reading!


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